Wednesday 28 September 2016

What I Wish Teenage Me Knew About Boys

**Dad, if you happen to be browsing my blog, you may want to skip this post. I don't think this one's for you...

amsterdam kiss

I've got a mega lovely friend who is 18. My life at 17/18 feels LITERALLY, and this isn't one of those exaggerated uses of literally, a billion years apart from my life currently.

It's a whole degree, 2 new best friends, 3 jobs, 2 and a half boyfriends (only one that counts, though), 2 best friends with babies, one old friend married, and over 10 holidays ago. How crazy is that?

So she was having some recent boy problems and it got me thinking back to those days... To set the scene - when I was 18 there was a boy I reeeally liked a lot, lets call him Pablo, and he was supposed to like me, too. But OH MY GOD how much fucking effort was it??

He'd tell me he liked, and we'd have sex, I'd drop everything for him, I even ended a relationship with a new boy I was seeing when Pablo told me he regretted being a dick to me just for him to turn around after and say "soz changed my mind again". In the YEAR that we were "on and off", we never ever ever went on one real date.

I'd say that was okay, though, y'know? I'm independent. I don't care, no strings attached, I don't have to like him that much. If anything happens it happens, but if it doesn't, that's cool. LOL WHO WAS I KIDDING?

Then other boys came around and it was all omg they read my text and didn't text me back. Ooh they haven't text me back in 5 hours so now I won't text them back for 5 hours... Even though I really want to speak to him. He hasn't asked me on a date so I'm not going to ask him on a date. Omg he put one less kiss so maybe I should put 2 less so I don't look too keen? Am I sounding weird, like, are these paragraphs too long? Or are these too short? I don't want to spam him.

Sound familiar?? I hope it doesn't, but it almost definitely does.

Anyway, back to my 18 year old friend. She's currently chatting to a boy on Tinder, and they went on a date the other day. She was asking some questions in our group chat about what to do, and some of the advice she was being given by our (young) friends was very reminiscent of the advice me and my friends used to give each other.

If you're a regular reader you'll know all about Martin. I talk about him a lot 'cause he's a good little egg. Well Martin and I have been together for nearly 3 years now, and not once have we ever had to play games or make each other jealous to vie for the others attention. It's been so easy. I'd never experienced a relationship like that before. Maybe it's because Martin is a bit older than me, who knows. But it made me realise that if you have to battle for someones attention or affection, you really, really don't want it.

If a boy likes you, he likes you and he will show it. This is all such generic advice and I suppose when I was 16/17 I knew it, I just didn't believe it or didn't want to listen. But it's so so true. If a boy isn't texting you back - it's okay. You don't have to not text him back for a day just to even the score. If he keeps ignoring your texts, maybe he's not interested and you need to move away from him. It's okay to ask, too, by the way!

Basically - don't chase boys. The right person won't need to be chased, and a really, really good relationship won't take a shit tonne of effort at the beginning. A few years in is when things maybe start to change - when you live together, become more comfortable and reveal your bad habits, go on holiday together. In the just getting to know you phase it should be easy and fun. Don't waste time on boys who make you play games. It's not worth it. 

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  1. Love this advice. I don't think you should have to chase anyone, not just boys. If you have to always be on someone's case just to get their attention you need to ask yourself if it's worth it? I mean, if you are as good as friends as you think, would they not also text you or maybe even answer your messages without you having to remind them all the time? If that makes sense..? x

  2. Yep... that was my life when I was 18, great advice. I think it's difficult when you are young and you like someone and you want them to like you back but you don't really know 100% what you are doing.

  3. This was such a good read ! I can so relate to the whole texting thing , love it haha ! This is brilliant advice for younger girls though , because there's way too much of this on and off playing games kinda things rather than relationships so it's so important for girls to know. I read this quote recently and it said "ignore him for 3 days , no calls , no texts , nothing , and if you don't hear from him , he doesn't care" something to always keep in mind.

    Great post lovely !

    Laura x

  4. This brought back so many memories of my teenage years, texting boys was like an art form that if you didn't perfect then all could be lost and when you text them was super important. It all seems so daft now, I completely agree with you relationships shouldn't be all complicated with mind games. Great post lovely!

    Ella xx

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