Monday, 27 March 2017

Shit I Got No Time For: Road Rage Edition


My original Shit I Got No Time For post is one of my most highly viewed posts and you miserable bastards loved it too. So time for round two. Ya ready?

I have a terrible temper in my day to day life. I'm not proud of it, it's just a fact. I am an all round terrible person...  I'm even worse on the road. EVERY ONE MAKES ME ANGRY.

WHY CAN NO ONE DRIVE????? WHERE DO THESE MORONS PASS THEIR TEST?




1. Roundabouts. Just in general fill me with fucking rage.
2. Light-controlled roundabouts. Where every light is on red EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's okay, yeah, I definitely have 4 days to get to Tesco, don't worry about me or my life.
3. Petrol. AKA setting money on fire.
4.  Middle lane wankers. LOOK let me explain: middle lane is for overtaking ONLY there is absolutely fucking no need to drive in that lane when the "slow lane" is empty. Calm down Evel Knieval you're only going 65mph you're not too fast for the slow lane.
5. Lorries in the middle lane. Get out. Just get out now and don't take 37 minutes to overtake another lorry.
6. 50mph speed limits. If I wanted to take 7 years to get to my destination I would have fucking walked.
7. Arseholes on their phone. It's selfish, it's dangerous, it's stupid. You are an AWFUL PERSON. Sharon can wait for her "lol ;) x" response to the cat video she tagged you in, you cretin.
8. Driving into the sunset/sunrise. I absolutely planned to have my retinas extinguished on my drive to work, excellent thanks for that.
9. Every radio station playing the same song. Obviously an overplayed song you already detest. You can't even walk away because you're in a sodding car. So you drive in silence for the following 3 minutes.
10. Roadworks. I can't even express my loathing of roadworks. Especially on a motorway when they shut off a whole lane and every bugger and his dog are crammed into 2 miniscule lanes. However any form of roadworks that interfere with my life get a big NOPE from me.
11. Pot holes. I know I'm a gigantic hypocrite. I HATE POT HOLES YOU RUIN MY  TYRES AND SUSPENSION AND MY LIFE, YOU PRICKS. But try to fix the pot holes and feel my wrath...
12. People who park over two spaces. I will slash your tyres. Don't do it.

I have thoroughly enraged myself writing this. I need a nap and a Valium.

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